Saturday, January 31, 2009

Game Preview: Spurs vs. Hornets

I try not to remember the last meeting between these two. The Spurs blew a big 4th quarter lead on their own court. Chris Paul is a prissy bitch. Tyson Chandler thinks his ability to jump and catch a ball is impressive. Etc. etc. etc. Good thing for us Chandler and three point threat MoPete are injured. Should the Spurs take care of business and win this game, they will be 3 games up on NOLA in the Southwest. The Hornets are coming off a terrible loss to a shitty GS Warriors team. I watched some of that game and lemme tell you, the Hornets don't seem at all what they were last year. Let's hope their shooting woes (36% last night) continue tonight.

Keys to the Game:

Bruce Bowen/Roger Mason should guard Chris Paul. Don Nelson did something interesting last night. He put Stephen Jackson on Chris Paul. This limited Paul's abilities because Jackson is fairly quick and has a large height/arm length advantage. I think the Spurs could have similar success if they put Money Mason or Bruce on Paul. Tony is one of the weaker defenders and he gets destroyed on the pick-n-roll. Then again so does Mason.

Tim Duncan needs to dictate the pace. The Hornets best defender not named James Posey is out for this game. He also happens to be one of people that gives Tim the most trouble. I'm not saying Hilton Armstrong can't guard Tim, but he's not Tyson Chandler. Tim should be able to basically get what he wants. The Hornets will almost assuredly double. That means....

The shooters absolutely have to be on tonight. There have been a few games where it was ok if the shooters had mediocre nights. When Manu, Tim, and Tony are all scoring (like last game), the shooters get some leeway. But the Hornets will more than likely double Tim every time he gets it on the block. This means he's going to be passing to outside shooters a lot. Hit your shots! I'm looking at you Michael Finley.

I also kinda of hope Chris Paul gets an inadvertent elbow to his groin. Just to make up for him punching Bruce in the nuts last year.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Spurs @ Suns Game Recap: LOLERSKATES!

It's getting to the point where you just expect the Spurs to beat the Suns. I wasn't really ever worried during last night's game. The only point where I was thinking it might be close was when Paper Hill stole the ball from Parker and got an and1 (which was bullshit because there was no foul). But that was near the end of the game and then Parker put water on that fire the next time down the floor. Valiant effort but valiant efforts usually get you losses...ya losers.

The 1st quarter ended up being a helluva shooting drill. Tim and Tony made it clear early on they had it going. But unfortunately Pop wanted to let Amare have open 15-20 foot jump shots. Derr, he can make those ya know? The shooting virus even infected Michael Finley as he didn't continually miss open shots. Hooray! Bob noted this when we were conversing last night during the game, but George Hill looked really bad early on. It seems he has fallen back into the "I'm a backup so I can't be helpful" mind scheme. I'm not saying it's conscious but it seems to be there. Spurs up 1 at 32-31 going into the 2nd.

"What do you mean I can't shoot it every time? I'm a SUPASTAAAA!"

The 2nd quarter was a mixed bag on offense. Everyone seemed to be doing fairly well. Señor Bald Spot was being aggressive and Money Mason was hitting his shots (though his did take a couple really dumb shots). The 2nd is also when things started getting testy. It's not really surprising Amoron Stoudewhiner got a technical foul after screaming like a baby after missing a layup. Steve Javie was officiating the game. He doesn't take shit from anyone. To show he wasn't playing favorites, he called a tech on Tim only 3 minutes later for doing pretty much the same thing Amare did. Except replace "screaming like a baby" with "loud clap of frustration". Just before that Tony had picked up his 3rd foul so he had to come out. That's when Hill came in and showed that if he's not in back-up mode (Tony wasn't coming back in), he plays pretty well. He had an excellent drive and hoop before halftime. Of course, Nash hit a three right as the half ended. Why? Because the Spurs forget the game keeps going after their final possession of a quarter (See 76ers, Lakers, Jazz games). Tie ball game at 57 at halftime.

"Why thank you for the sacrifice. No more T's for you."

The third quarter was the Bruce Bowen show...wait, what? Alright so technically only the last couple minutes were where Bruce was spotlighted, but it was hilarious and so satisfying that I don't even care what happened in the previous 9 minutes (Manu and Tony both had excellent quarters). Tony Porter thought it would be a good idea to employ Hack-a-Bowen. In fairness, Bowen had been shooting 28% from the line this year. In complete unfairness, Porter is an idiot. Not only did Bruce sink 5 of 6, but it also slowed the game down to a Spurs type pace. Terry Porter, don't try to be Popovich. You're just gonna fail. The Spurs are only up 2 points with 3 seconds to go but Steve Nash decides he wants to be a stupid Canadian. He hold Manu on the inbounds pass, bitches, gets a tech and thus gives the Spurs 3 free points. Spurs up 5 instead of 2 at 89-84 going into the 4th.

"You're good you."
"Nah come on, me?"

Alright 4th quarter, do or die time. Spurs can't let up on their...oh shit their offense is sucking now. Oh, why thank you Kurt Thomas. Your offensive rebounding is a nice addition to this team. No, I promise we won't bench you when we bring in another big man. What? Why would I stare into your eyes?

Yes KT's rebounding was nice. But so was the overall defense. Close outs and man-to-man defense was pretty good in the final quarter. Instead of allowing 25+ points, the Spurs held the Suns to 20 points in the quarter. The Spurs built a nice lead but that was pared down to a 3 point lead when Grant Hill stole the ball from Froggie, made a layup and got a horseshit call. That's alright, tonight Tony showed why he's an all-star and Nash isn't. Right after that Tony essentially hit the game winner. A 22-foot dagger if I've ever seen one. It was fun to watch the end. Nash tripped over his own feet, then thought it a good idea to foul bruce without the ball. Only problem is under 2 minutes left, that's an intentional foul. Spurs got one free throw+the ball out of bounds. Hilarity. Add some Manu Free Throws and game is sealed. Spurs win 114-104.

"I betcha I could turn all of these over, eh"

It never gets old watching the Suns lose to the Spurs. And I have a feeling it will continue to never get old for years to come.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

TP is an All-Star!

Woooooooooooo! Yeah! This definitely won't go to his head. He's already the most humble player on the Spurs. I hope Manu takes notice of how TP handles stardom. Tim too. Those bastards hog all the spotlight with their subway commercials and actress wives.

In all seriousness, congrats go to Tony. It's not easy for a guard not named Kobe or Chris Paul to make the all-star team in the West.

Game Preview: Spurs @ Suns

It's gonna be tough to beat the ending of the last game between these two. I just love seeing Suns fans have their hearts ripped out all at once. Even a blowout might not be as satisfying. But I'm not gonna get ahead of myself.

Keys to the Game:

Tony Parker is the key. I might have one or two more "keys" but Parker needs to dominate tonight. Nash is one of the worst defenders at his position. Tony absolutely needs to take advantage. However, with Snaq, Amoron, and Sideshow Bob all possibly* getting playing time, Tony also needs to be able to adapt. That means pass Tony. It's likely that he'll be open for jumpers and a few layups but most of the time when he drives, he'll be met by Snaq or Amoron or both. That also means Bonner, Mason, Finley (ha yeah right), Bowen, etc. will need to be more or less on.

*Sideshow Bob hasn't played in the last two games

STOP DOUBLING! We saw it a couple times last game and it didn't always go well. I don't understand why Pop doubles. His defenders aren't quick enough or, in the case of a few, motivated enough to rotate off a double. It is perplexing. Of course, if the guys are told to double, they'll double. This is more of a "Pop I hate you sometimes" paragraph than a "key to the game".

Kurt Thomas and Tim Duncan need to guard Shaq. If I see Oberto or Bonner on Shaq I'm turning the TV off. They can't, nor will they ever, guard Shaq effectively. Even Thomas will have problems. But right now Shaq is the best player on the Suns. He needs to be contained somehow. If that means Tim has to guard him then so be it. Manu or Tony or Mason will have to step it up and pull the load for Tim on the offensive end. Or they could just hang a box of Krispy Kreme's from the Spurs bench...

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. But it was my birthday and I'll be lazy if I wanna.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Spurs @ Jazz Game Recap: I Get My Brithday Present

So I caught some of the game. I missed the entire first quarter but was able to see some of the rest. My observations:

1) Tim Duncan is and always will dominate Mehmet Okur. He was attacking like there was no one guarding him...and there might as well not have been. Timmy is our MVP right now.

2) Matt Bonner can shoot. I guess the Laker game was a wake up call to Ginger Jesus. He only missed one shot from three and ended up 6/7. Well done Matt, now see if you can do that against the better teams in the league.

3) Michael Finley should be getting Ime Udoka minutes. Notice I didn't put the possessive on Udoka's name (like that). Finley was all around terrible against the Jazz. Defense? No thanks. Creating for teammates? Nah, maybe next time. Shooting well? Surely you're joking.

4) Bruce Bowen is NOT finished. He played excellent defense when he came in for the first time in the 4th. He was quick and helped shut down Okur. Reports of his demise have been greatly exaggerated.

5) Tony Parker is good but he hasn't been able to take over games. At least not from what I can tell. He has good games but he hasn't been taking them over. He did it against Minnesota in the 4th game of the year but not really since then. Tim can do it. Manu is capable of doing it. But Tony seems to be relegated to dribble around, pass the ball, get the ball back, dribble some more, then maybe shoot. I don't like him taking stupid shots but he needs to be more aggressive.

6) Manu Ginobili is not the Manu Ginobili we know. He still hustles and provides intangibles but he has been playing fairly badly lately. He seems unsure of himself on the offensive end. This is leading to a bunch of turnovers and him being reluctant to drive. Let's just hope he finds himself soon.

That's all I'm gonna say for now. Spurs have another game tomorrow and it's a big one @ Phoenix. The good news there is the Suns are currently imploding.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Game Preview: Spurs @ Jazz

The Jazz come into this game on a 3 game losing streak. The Spurs come into this game on a 1 game losing streak. I hate the Lakers...Anyhoo, the Jazz are still without The Boozer and Deron Williams hasn't been able to keep his team at the top of their division with both Portland and Denver emerging as legitimate WC contenders (laugh). Utah is coming off its own blowout loss (to Denver).

Keys to the Game:

Close out on Mehmet Okur. This guy always seems to do well against the Spurs. It could be because they like to leave him open from distance. Maybe Pop will double some people some more. That worked so well in the Lakers game. Fortunately without Boozer the Jazz don't really have anyone who warrants a double. This means that if the rotations on defense are good, Okur won't get that many open shots. Okur hitting shots would make me want to pull my hair out.

Tony Parker has to be aggressive. It's no secret I don't trust Frenchie. However, him being less aggressive has been disastrous for the Spurs in recent games. It's clear that Manu is not himself. That means the open shots are going to come from Tony driving the lane. Deron Williams is a decent defender but Parker is quicker than him. Tony absolutely needs to work Williams if the Spurs want any chance to win this game.

Tim Duncan. Tim Duncan. And some more Tim Duncan. His defense has been less than stellar but he has showed how the Tony/Manu debate is irrelevant. Tim is still the best player on this team. He'll likely have Paul Millsap guarding him. I don't think Millsap has the jumping quickness and he definitely doesn't have the height to seriously contest Tim's bank shot. I'd look for Tim to try that first and then go down low. If he has Okur on him then I'll just laugh and yell at Tony to get Tim the ball every time down the court.

On a more serious note, today is my birthday. The last time the Spurs played on my birthday they won. See, serious right? Let's hope that trend continues tonight. I apologize in advance if there's not a coherent game recap tomorrow. I don't plan on being sober for a while.

Croshere's Services Not Retained

Croshere cut: The Spurs did not re-sign veteran forward Austin Croshere, whom they had signed to a 10-day contract on Jan. 16. Croshere played in three games during his short stint, including Sunday's game in Los Angeles.

I guess the white guy quotient was too high? That or the FO realized they already had an Austin Croshere, but with way better sandwich selecting abilities.

Despite making $2.978 million this year and $3.256 next year, Bonner remains frugal. Former Spurs guard Brent Barry, who is now with the Houston Rockets, remembers a time in Sacramento when Bonner was getting a snack at his favorite spot: Subway.

“Matt had a coupon for half off a sandwich, which said: ‘Valid at participating stores only,'” Barry said. “The owner said we're not ‘participating stores' and Matt was like ‘Well aren't you a Subway? I walk outside and I see the name ‘Subway.'” After 10 minutes, he talked his way to half off a turkey sandwich. He saved like $2.16.”

Monday, January 26, 2009

Front is for Respect, Back is for Discipline

Let's help heal the wounds from yesterday by watching a Laker fan stutter his way through criticizing the refs for the January 14th game between the Spurs and Lakers. Be sure to watch all the way through for some nice explanation on why someone slaps with the front of one's hand versus the back of one's hand.

This? This is just for shits and giggles.

Son of a Bitch...

Word coming from France is that Ian Mahinmi, Spurs frontline hero to be, will be out for the entire season with his ankle injury.
The season of Ian Mahinmi has ended... even before having started. After a right ankle sprain during the summer, San Antonio's French player has tried to come back on the court but always felt the same pain at the ankle with continuous trace of blood. Send to LA to consult the specialist who has done Manu Ginobili's surgery this summer, he went back with the confirmation that the problem was far from being solved. After a six month waiting(!), the decision has been taken to have a surgery in LA and to end his season even if Spurs refuse to officially communicate on the situation of the young and unlucky French player. At 20 years old, the true start of his career is again postponed (only 6 regular season games played in 2007), but he still has until the end of the 2009-2010 season to show Spurs FO that they were right to draft him.

Thanks go to Bruno at SpursTalk for translating for all of us who don't speak Frog. Well shit, this sucks. Now it looks like the Spurs will need to get a trade done before the Feb. 19th deadline if they want any kind of (needed) help up front. This sucks.

Memphis Grizzlies: Nobody Wants To Play With Us!

Only a couple days after Avery Johnson turned down the opportunity to coach Garbage Man the Second's sputtering team, Mo Cheeks has said the Grizzlies are not where he wants to be either. Maybe if was because they thought they would only offer him an assistant coaching position. Jee I don't see how that could've gone wrong for the Gristles! Maybe you guys should trade your only good player for scraps and his brother again! Fucking Memphis...

Michael Redd's ACL and MCL Have Been Declared a Federal Disaster Area

You don't always hear a lot of news coming out of Milwaukee. And when you do it's usually about their Beer or how fat the people are that live there. Some sad news from the Bucks came out yesterday that resident hero and leader to championships Michael Redd will miss the rest of the season with a demolished knee. Redd had already missed 14 games this season with an ankle injury. By the end of the season Redd will have missed 88 games over the past 3 years. But no, let's give him a huge contract anyways. Smart move. Anyways, the people this pisses off the most are people like me who had him as their 3-PT anchor on their fantasy team. Thanks Mike. Now I gotta go sign somebody shitty.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Spurs @ Lakers Game Recap: Welcome to the Suckfest

Actually, it wasn't that bad....I guess. Anyone who doesn't think that roleplayers really matter in the NBA needs to watch this game. Bottom line, the LA roleplayers played well and hit shots and the San Antonio roleplayers did not. Even with that said, it was only a 14 point loss so I can't be too mad about it.

Since the handful of people who read this blog are going to want at least a bit of decent basketball analysis, here's a couple of points.

First, Pop let me know that we were going to lose this game early in the second quarter when he threw out a lineup of Hill/Mason/Bowen/KT/Bonner. Sometimes in the middle of the season Pop will do some strange shit, I dont know if its to hide his master plan or to see how the defense will react to playing 5 scrubs, he does it. To make things worse, Pop later pulled Hill and had Mason run the point. Needless to say this ended badly.

Secondly, Manu was as unaggressive as I've seen him all year, he didn't even think of driving but maybe once. He also threw the ball away a few times and had some more questionable decisions. I'm not saying he was the reason the Spurs lost, because he wasn't, but he certainly could have improved our chances.

None of this really matters when you consider that the Spurs failed to execute the most crucial NBA skill.....shooting the ball. Here's some shooting numbers to look at:

Bonner (3-8), Mason (1-7), Finley (3-8), Manu (4-11), Hill (0-4), Udoka (1-8)

Of all the players who played over 10 minutes (everyone but Austin Croshere), only Parker (8-17), Duncan (6-12), and Oberto (4-5) shot well.

I mean, you don't need much analysis after looking at those numbers. If you don't shoot the ball well, you don't win many games. If any one of those players shoot well, we at least make a close game of it. They actually rebounded well, took care of the ball, and moved the ball well (21 assists on 33 field goals).

All said, I really can't be too mad about this game. I really don't know what else to say except that its been a bitch of a weekend and I'm sort of glad its over.

Game Preview: Spurs @ Lakers

Well whadawe have here? A nice little rematch between our maligned heroes and the evil villains from California. Only now the villains have all their henchmen to use. It's not gonna be easy going up against the Slovenian Slut and Dumbo. But the Spurs have been playing much better D lately so we can only hope we don't see another barn-burner like the last game. That being said...

The Keys to the Game:

Do not leave the shooters. A big problem for the Spurs had been giving up open shots (see Orlando Magic and Philadelphia 76ers). The Lakers have too many good shooters to leave open. Fishturd, Slovenian Slut, Ariza, and Radmonovic are all deadly if left open. Last game saw a lot of double teaming (and not in the fun way) which also meant a lot of open shots for the Lakers' shooters. It might have been one of the reasons the score was as high as it was. I don't like scores that high when the Spurs play. It means they didn't play their type of game. I'm sure Pop will double. He loves to torment us.

He practices yoga while playing

Hope to god Manu plays at his Manuest. Look, we all love Tim and Tony...ok well we all love Tim, but Manu is an indicator species against the Lakers. If he doesn't do well, the Spurs will likely not win. He just has something in his game that makes him the x-factor at all times. If he isn't playing well, the Spurs struggle. Tony has great first halves but then he seems to forget he has teammates in the second. I think he has been averaging maybe 2-3 assists in the second half of games recently. For the guard running a team, you need more, especially if the offense starts sputtering. If Manu is at his best the Spurs will have a double-penetrating (in the fun way but not the FUNNEST way) threat that the Lakers shouldn't be able to stop. But it's all contigent on Manu playing well.

He probably made this shot

Take the crowd out of the game. Tell Jack Nicholson there are free hookers in the parking lot if you have to but in games like this the crowd will be a major factor. The Spurs absolutely need to curb any runs the Lakers make. Even if the Lakers are down 15 points and go on a short run, the crowd will bring them back in it. I think we all know what happened to the leads in the WCF last year. Whether it's the crafty use of timeouts or just slowing the game down to a halt, the Spurs are going to need to do it. The crowd is gonna be pumped for the game at the start so hopefully the Spurs come out with some energy and balls.

Awww that movie "The Bucket List" wasn't real? Damn...

Spurs vs. Nets Game Recap: I Have No Idea What Happened

Game Recap: Spurs won. Tim did well. Manu almost brainfarted his way to a tie game.

That's about it.

Sorry I can't be of more help but I couldn't watch the game. I need league pass and to kick Bob's ass.

Friday, January 23, 2009

***UPDATE*** Devin Harris Doubtful for Tonight's Game

Reuters is reporting that Devin Harris is doubtful for tonight's game with the Spurs. What does that mean? Tony goes off and Spurs win. Happy day.


***UPDATE 2***

So apparently Reuters had a little premature blowing of their Devin Harris load. Not only is Harris not doubtful for tonight, but Nets' coach Lawrence Frank said he is likely playing. Good work Reuters!

Because They'll Never Get Old

"Duncan a three pointer? Puts it up...IT'S GOOD!!! Tim Duncan from three point land ties the game!"

The "What would it be like to be there" View

hahahahahahahaha I hate the Suns but that's just not right

I think they had just showed one of those Kobe scoring 43 commercials...sweet irony

Sean Elliott >>>> Alonzo Mourning

Game Preview: Spurs vs. Nets

The Lakers come in having...oh there's a game before the Spurs go to LA? It's against who? [Laughs] Sorry, sorry. The Nets have actually been a surprising team. After they inaugurated the 2010 salary dump by getting rid of Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson (not to be confused with Jason Richardson...even though I just did) and anyone not named Vince Carter, no one expected them to compete this year. But Vince Carter has been playing like he had been in Toronto (while not at musics concerts) and Devin Harris is showing how lopsided that Jason Kidd trade really was.

Keys to the game:

Play defense like they did against Indiana. The last game was one of the better defensive efforts the Spurs have put forth this year. Was Indy missing open shots? Sometimes but it wasn't the shit fest that was the 76ers game. Holding a team that had scored 100+ points in 14 straight games to 81 isn't all them missing shots. Hopefully the Spurs can defend either Devin Harris or Vince Carter. I say either because Tony Parker notoriously gets demolished by Harris and Carter is like TMac. He can have terrible games or he can have games where even when you slather nutbutter on him, he still goes off.

Let Manu Ginobili create. As I said above, Harris gives Parker all sorts of problems. One of them has been that Parker can't beat Harris off the dribble and get past him. Either Bobby Simmons or VC will be on Manu. VC is an amazing athlete but an attentive defender he is not. So I think they'll put Bobby Simmons on Manu. Manu is better than Simmons. So much better. I think he could take Simmons to the basket every time if he had to. If he is the Manu Ginobili of the Lakers or Pacers game then he needs to play point when he's in.

Challenge the young bigs. The Nets have two young centers in Josh Boone and Brook Lopez. Lopez has been on fire lately averaging 18 and 7 over his last 7 games. Boone is more of a defender than a scorer. Even so he is only averaging 0.8 blocks/game this season. So I think it would be a good idea to go at these two guys and make them stop you. We have a guy named Tim Duncan who is pretty good. Then again the way the refs have been treating him this year I wouldn't be surprised if Lopez came out of the game with 1 foul and a nice kosher gift basket. Still, attack Lopez and Boone and I think the game turns out well.

Alonzo Mourning Retires...Again

The unthinkable happened Thursday. No Amy Winehouse didn't quit drugs and alcohol. Alonzo Mourning retired for a second time. Not sure many people saw this coming when he absolutely demolished the tendon in his knee last year, but today Zo made it official. We will miss you Zo. You and your ship-jumping, coattail riding, or even your pension for just pissing everybody off (no link needed, you know it's true). Maybe I'm bitter than Sean Elliott never got the kind of attention for being the first athlete to overcome this illness and play again. I can't wait until Zo announces he's returning but only to a team with a shot at the title. Coattaaaaaaaaails.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

TP and Eva: The Happy Couple

What's it like to be Tony Parker? Every Spurs fan/gay Desperate Houswives fan must yearn to know what it's like to live in his French made shoes. We caught a sneak peak of TP and his beautiful wife Eva Longoria when we visited their home recently. The transcript follows:

TP: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeva! I can't find my, eh, my hand losceon. You have seen it?

Eva: I told you already I don't know where the fuck it is! You want me to quit my job to look for your stupid hand cream?

TP: No ma'am but, you know, I need it to play well and if I don't have it, you know, I can't take tha ball to tha hoop.

Eva: Fine! I'll drop everything I'm doing and look for your pansy ass "hand losceon" [drops OK! Magazine and martini glass].

TP: Oh man, Eva I found my hand losceon. It was under our bed. I must have been using it while I was hiding, you know.

Eva: I'm happy for you.

TP: Really? Awwww, thanks Eva, you know, I love when you says things like...

Eva: No not really you French piece of shit. You were hiding and crying under our bed because I wanted some afternoon delight. You're afraid of a 5 foot nothin, 90 pound latina woman. I should've married...


TP: Awww man, what he doing here Eva?

Eva: I don't know but your whining makes me want to vomit.

Dean Cain: Hey Eva, you're looking extra sexy today. Are you doing something new with your hair?

Eva: Yeah I started using the stuff Tony uses on his balls. It really brings out the color.

TP: Awwww, Eva, I was thinking what happened, you know, you use my shorty curlies product. Come on Eva that's not nice, you know.

Dean Cain: Is he always such a pussy?

Eva: Yeah. Did you bring what I asked you to?

Dean Cain: Sure did honey tits.

Eva: Oh Dean...say it Dean, please say it to me.

TP: Excusez-moi but what is happening here?

[Dean Walks up to Eva, hold her face]

Dean Cain: It's a bird. It's a plane. No I'm fucking Superman!

[Dean carries Eva into the bedroom]

TP: Hey you guys! What you, eh, doing in there?

[Dean walks out 20 minutes later]

Dean Cain: See ya later Froggie!

[Dean flicks off TP]

TP: Eva? Eeeeeeeeva?

Settle Down Spurs Fans

I've been hearing that there have been some, let's say interesting, trade rumors coming out of SA Radio (they're all morons). Have the Spurs been asking about Brad Miller? Yeah it's possible. Have they also inquired about David Lee? Sure, why not. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THE SPURS ARE EVEN CLOSE TO GETTING EITHER OF THOSE PLAYERS! Get your heads out of your asses and realize Miller makes north of $10 million this season and next. He also isn't that good of a defender. Lee? No chance. 0%. You'd have more hope of having sex with 10 supermodels at once while a trained Chimp took pictures. It's not gonna happen. The Knicks are no longer run by Isiah Thomas. Why would they trade one of the best young big men in the league for nothing? The cap you say? Oh this would make sense if Lee wasn't also becoming a FA in 2010. So you're dumb. Stop trying. Neither of these are happening.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Super Happy Fun Time Links of the Day

These buildings are freakin sweet.

Oh. My. God. You can see Marisa Miller's nipple. (NSFW)

The new Where The Wild Things Are movie looks amazingly awesome (just pictures).

This is why you shouldn't show off...ever.

NBA, NFL, MLB all Acknowledge Obama. NHL Doesn't Understand the Hubub

Take a look. Those three sports' homepages all have something about Obama. Whether it's the White Sox executive on what the relationship to Obama his team shares, the NBA and several of its players feelings about the first African American President, or NFL players speaking out about Obama.

The NHL? Not so much...

Memphis Says: "Portland Can Blow Us"

Portland had sent out a league-wide memo a little while ago saying they would sue anyone that signed Darius Miles. If he played in only 2 games (which has happened) he would count against Portland's cap for his original contract with them. That means they are now $9 million heavier this year and next. Too funny. Now the Grizzlies have been so impressed with this man who was never supposed to play basketball again that they have signed him to another 10-day contract. Basically they're saying, "Fuck you Portland." Since Portland is an up-and-coming Western contender, I can't help but want to thank Memphis. Then I remember the Pau Gasol trade. Fucking Memphis...

Spurs vs. Pacers Game Recap: Dunleavy and Pacers Get Kicked in the Face (Figuratively)

Well that was unexpected. The Pacers came in on a scoring tear but the Spurs were able to hold them to 81 points. Let's get to the recap...

The 1st quarter belonged to Tim Duncan. He branded it and then had sex with it. It was his. He managed to get 12 points and 9 boards. He played all but 29 seconds in the quarter but he made sure every second he played, he contributed somehow. By the start of the 2nd he was on pace for 48 points and 36 rebounds. Not too shabby a night. The Spurs also played pretty good defense. As I said, Finley couldn't guard Dunleavy. Finley was on Dunleavy to start the game but once Dunleavy hit the first shot, he moved over to Granger. Was it just a switch that put him on Dunleavy? Possibly, but I still maintain Finley sucks. Even with Duncan's outstanding quarter, the Spurs are only up 5 at 22-17.

"Oh shit back up ya'll. I just had a wicked bad fart."

The 2nd quarter is when Manu took over. Yeah Money Mason had a few buckets but you could tell by the way Manu was shooting, he had it on. I haven't seen it much from Manu but he even tried (and made) one of those Steve Nash/Dirk Nowitzki run-and-gun three pointers. He barely had his feet set before he launched what would normally be a cringe-inducing shot. But he made it. He's Manu Ginobili. Indana was having a rough night. They were not shooting well and when they did make shots, they would then go minutes without hitting another. It was painful to watch (unless you're a Pistons fan). As if to say "hahaha fuck all you Spurs fans", Michael Finley hit a 3 with about 1 second left in the half. Well fuck you too Michael Finley. Why can't you make shots like that in every quarter? Spurs take a 53-40 lead into the half.

"Imaginary tricep pull 100! Ahhh and I'm done."

This season seems like it has been made up of two types of 3rd quarters. The normal, shitty ones where the Spurs take a huge dump on the floor. Or the ones where they maintain intensity and even sometimes build a lead. Last night was one of the latter 3rd quarters. It was largely due to the big three. Tim, The Frenchman, and Señor Bald Spot all had pretty efficient quarters. Tim led the way with 11 points in the quarter while Tony and Manu had 10 and 5 respectively. You could tell the game was all but over in the 3rd. Usually a team will make a run to cut the lead to low double-digits. The Pacers never got there. Granger seemed bothered all night by the combo of Mason and Bowen. The Spurs built their lead to 81-57 at the end of three.

"They had no idea what they were in for."

Hide yo bitches! Austin Croshere is heeeeeeere. It was expected in such a blowout. Croshere saw the most minutes of his brief Spurs career. The 4th quarter was basically only our scrubs vs. their scrubs. I mentioned this to Bob last night during the game but when Manu went out in the 4th, George Hill was the best player on the floor. Yeah it was a floor full of scrubs, but that's saying something for the 26th pick in the draft. Hill has been extremely impressive and didn't disappoint last night. While his shot is still not quite there, he plays with an intensity I haven't seen since..well...Manu. He even got into a little scuffle with T-Sips hero T.J. Ford. Hill would WRECK Ford so it was a good decision on Ford's part to walk away. Inexplicably Udoka shot well in the 4th. Oh wait, it is explicable. There was no pressure so he wasn't a nervous shit. Makes sense (WE WANT HAIRSTON *clap clap clapclapclap*). Croshere's shot was way off but he was hustling and is much quicker than I expected. He could be useful if he gets his shot online. We'll see if the Spurs FO thinks so in about a week. Spurs finish 1 point short of 100 and win 99-81.

AP Photo/Eric Gay
He's so good the ball just hovers around him at all times.

I honestly didn't expect this type of game. This is the same Pacers team that beat LA and Boston. The shots just weren't falling for them last night. It happens. The next game for the Spurs is versus the Nets. Then we got ourselves a rematch with the Fake Show on the 25th. I gotta say, I am not looking forward to that.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Game Preview Spurs vs. Pacers: Danger Granger

What a flurry of games. This is the Spurs' 5th game in the past 7 days with 3 of those games coming on the road. Unfortunately for the Spurs, they are playing a good Indiana Pacers team. With the way they've been playing lately, all signs point to this being a very tough game. The Pacers have scored at least 100 points in their last 14 games. Before Monday's loss to the Hornets, they had scored at least 110 points a game in their previous 8 games. So this team can score kinda.

Keys to the game:

STOP. Danny. Granger. I don't have the slightest idea how they intend to guard Granger. Even when he's being guarded, he hits tough (and ridiculous) shots. Granger is averaging over 31 points a game in his past 9. He doesn't get you much else but that's what Troy Murphy is for. Which brings me to...

Box out Troy Murphy. The Spurs have been a terrible rebounding team of late. Murphy is averaging 13 boards a game in his past 7 games. Tonight is gonna be extra tough with guys like Murphy and Jeff Foster playing. I'd like to see a healthy dose of Matt Bonner (who has inexplicably getting little second half playing time lately) and Kurt Thomas. Maybe a pinch of Fabricio Oberto for those tip-out offensive boards. But if Michael Finley so much as sees 15 minutes I'm gonna emasculate something. Which brings me to...

Give Finley's minutes to someone else. Anyone else. He has been absolutely terrible in the last 5 games. His shot is off. He gives you no rebounding and very few assists. The other options aren't much better. You could give Udoka his minutes but watching Udoka run a fast break is akin to watching midgets slaughter squirrels. It's fun unless you're an animal lover (or midget lover?). The best option might be to put Hill in with Parker when Manu and Mason are sitting out. The problem is Hill canot guard Granger or Mike Dunleavy (who starts at SG). Then again neither can Finley. We might see Bowen early on in this one.

NBA Shuts Down. Jeromes James is Injured...

BREAKING NEWS coming from New York tells us that perennial All-Star and Sportsman of the Year candidate, Jerome James, is done for the season with a ruptured Achilles tendon. The Knicks are saying it happened during practice. No one is sure what that means. Jerome James doesn't need to practice after all. Maybe he did it while running to get the last donut. David Stern has not returned calls for comment on this situation. Stay tuned for updates on this tragic story.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Spurs @ Bobcats Game Recap: Michael Finley Still Sucks...A Lot

Ooops I didn't mean to give anything away in that title. But I think everyone knows how much Finley has sucked lately. No? Before today's game he had gone a combined 10-31 over his past 4 games. That's 32.3% for all you English majors. Oh and that was BEFORE today's game. On to the recap...


The 1st quarter both started and ended pretty well for the Spurs. The offense seemed well in tune. Boris Diaw showed why Matt Bonner isn't usually on the all-defense team. Diaw scored the first 5 points for the Bobcats. Luckily for the Spurs, the Bobcats went on a long drought after Diaw sank a three pointer with 4:15 left in the game. The Bobcats didn't all...after that (in the 1st). Spurs took an 8 point lead into the 2nd quarter. Michael Finley was 1-2 in the first (foreshadowing). It should hold, right Michael Finley?

"J'aime recevoir le sperme sur mon visage."

Nope. Surprisingly without the help of Finley, the Spurs go on a mini-drought of 2 minutes to start the 2nd. The 'Cats weren't faring much better as Kurt Thomas was playing excellent defense and George Hill was keeping a lid on Felton and Singletary. Neither team scored much in the 2nd. Parker, Duncan, and Manu all had a quiet but effective quarter. George Hill chipped in some offense too. Michael Finley goes 0-2 in the 2nd. Uh oh, hurting that stellar FG% Mike. Raja Bell nearly lost his damn mind on the last play of the half. He went up for a three, tried to initiate contact with Bowen, didn't get the call, and then went BALLISTIC. He started pointing his finger at the ref but it was Larry Brown who someone got a tech. Sounds about right. Spurs are up 5 at half, 46-41.

Look at that one Asian guy...he seems out of place

The Kryptonite quarter starts for the Spurs and it lives up to its name. Raja Bell, clearly having his period, decides to score 8 points before the Spurs know the quarter starts. All of the sudden the Bobcats have the lead with an Emeka Okafor alley oop. Bruce Bowen had a good quarter on the offensive end. Well he had a good quarter for him. 5 points in a quarter for him is once in a blue moon these days. For some reason Pop decided to bring Udoka in when the Spurs were slumping offensively. I didn't understand it since Mason had been showing he could hit shots today. Maybe it ended up keeping things close. Then again maybe the Bobcats would score 27 to the Spurs' 17 in the quarter. Michael Finley? 0-3 to bring his total to 1-7. Don't give up Mike. I'm sure the touch is there.

I think I saw a piece of this in Tim Duncan during the third quarter

The Spurs go into the 4th down 5. They needed some kind of offensive spark. They didn't really get it until late into the 4th. But their defense kept them in the game. Kurt Thomas and George Hill were VERY impressive on defense today. The Spurs held the 'Cats without a FG until 2:15 into the quarter. In all they only allowed 5 FGs in the entire quarter. But by this time the game had become "chippy" as the announcers love to point out. It seemed like there were fouls being called every time down the floor. There was even a little scrum between Gerald Wallace and Tim Duncan. I think Wallace didn't like the fact that he ran in Tim and Tim didn't run away in fear. At least that's all he could be mad it since he ran into Tim in the first place. What a maroon.

"I am a HUGE dick."

Anyways, that late game spark I mentioned above was who else, Señor Bald Spot. He hit 2 three pointers within 35 seconds of each other and the Spurs are back on top by 5, 83-78. Though Tim did his best to let the Bobcats back in it (5-11 FT and a blocked hook late), he redeemed himself on the last play of the game. Felton thought it would be a good idea to throw up a shot with Tim under the basket. WRONG. Tim destroyed the shot and the Bobcats couldn't get a last second three from Diaw. It was close but a win is a win. How did Michael Finley do in that quarter you ask? 0-2. So in total he was 1-9 and 0-7 from three. I told you he sucks.

It looks like a helipad on the back of his head

Game Preview: Spurs @ Bobcats

There's a game today? Didn't the Spurs just play two games recently? LAME. Especially since I was stuck watching the Spurs/Bulls game on a blurry, Portuguese feed. That was fun.

Keys to the game:

Get the ball the Tim Duncan. The Bobcats do not have size at center. I know I know, Tim doesn't play center. But actually he does. He has been guarding the other team's center more often than not lately because Ginger Jesus isn't very good at defending people who are bigger and stronger than him. The Bobcats will put Emeka Okafor on Tim. While Emeka is a good defender, Tim has a few inches on him and is probably nearly as quick moving. Tim should be able to exploit the matchup. Then again his splits against Charlotte were TERRIBLE last season. I think he can get it done today.

"Oh...Touch Me....Touch me like you've never touched before!"

Contain Gerald Wallace and Boris Diaw. They both give our guys size problems. Wallace is 6'7 and extremely athletic. Diaw is 6'8 and full of cheese. He has a good low post game when someone smaller is guarding him. I hope and pray Pop puts Bowen on Wallace. If Finley is guarding Wallace, bad things will happen. I think Ginger Jesus can do a fair job on Diaw but it's hard to say. The Spurs absolutely have to adjust to these two players.

"I looooooove me some white bitches."

Establish Tony Parker. The famed Manu stopper, Raja Bell, now plays for the Bobcats and put that together with Manu's recent erratic play and you have a tough night for Manu. Unless he really is Superman (possible). So Tony Parker is going to have to go at the bigger Raymond Felton. No more trying to post up (Andre Miller laughed and so did I). Parker needs to attack, attack, and attack some more. However, with Okafor down low, he HAS to pass on some of those drives. If he doesn't the ball will wind up on the other end of the court while Tony lies in a heap next to the press photographers.

"Passing is for pussies...and Germans."

Laugh at Adam Morrison.

Your Monday News Orgy

After a weekend of craziness (Football is still going on?) let's go across the league and see what's gonna be talked about this week.

- Vince Carter and Devin Harris got benched Saturday night in their blowout loss to Celtics. Benched for the entire second half. Speculation has begun on the Nets trading Harris to the Guadalajara Death Lizards and having Vince coach Lawrence Frank's son's middle school team.

- Rudy Fernandez was voted as the final member of the All-Star Dunk Contest. No one told him you can't just do alley oops.

- There have been rumors that Jermaine O'Neal to the heat for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks is nearly complete. Those rumors have be de-rumored by Truth-Teller extraordinaire Pat Riley.

- There have been Spurs-centered rumors as well. Ric Bucher is reporting that the Spurs are very interested in the OKC Blands' Nick Collison...or Chris Wilcox. No one's sure and since the Blands have 50 available big men, it could go either way.

- The Mavs make a trade. No one notices.

- This happened. The "fan" happened to be Jeff Xavier's brother. Xavier is the guy who got punched in the face on that drive. Apparently Jeff's brother Jonathan didn't realize you can't walk onto the court and have a nice chat with the officials. I mean, who could have known that?

- Congratulations to the Arizona (Buzzsaw) Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Now we get to see how much Kurt Warner really loves god.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Fantasy Land

I think we're gonna try to do weekly fantasy helpers for all of our readers. So you two should pay attention. I might switch it up a bit but for right now I'm assuming I don't need to do a "who to sit/start" list of top tier players. I would hope anyone knows when to sit or start their star players. Unless you read Simmons...

If you need rebounds: Kevin Love has actually been getting a fair amount of rebounds over the past 15 games. He's available in 33% of ESPN leagues so if your league is deep take a look to see if he's there. The Wolves are playing 4 times this week with 2 easy rebound opponents in The NBA Team Formerly Known as the LA Clippers and the Chicago Bulls. Another good rebounder and scorer is Jeff Green. He's got two very good opportunities this week when his OKC Blands face both the Golden State Chuckers and that same Clippers team. He is owned in 82.5% of ESPN leagues so he just might be available. The sleeper in this group is Brook Lopez. He can't be that much of a sleeper since he's going ballistic from the field right? Well only a little over half of leagues see him taken. Also take a look at guys like Luis Scola (been a bit down lately but has games of 12+ rebounds), Luc Richard Mbah a Moute (Prince of Awesome Fucking Names), and Chris Anderson.

If you need points: You're fucked. Ok ok maybe it's a bit harsh but if you need points and you didn't draft them, you're gonna be in a race with other owners to pick up guys on hot streaks. The latest hot young thing is Nick Young. He plays for the craptacular Wizards so there's not much chance of him being benched for shooting too much. The risk comes in the form of two problems. One is that before his latest outbreak, let's say the entire month of december, he was averaging 6.9 points/game on 35.6% shooting. STELLAR. The other problem is that he gives you nothing besides points. That means he gives the Wiz nothing besides points. In case you weren't aware they had lost 6 in a row before their last game (where Young only scored 13 points). So buyer beware. Also see resurgent male with female name Andrea Bargnani (22pts/game in his last 15) and if you're desperate, Eric Gordon.

If you need three pointers: Daequan Cook. Daequan Cook. Daequan Cook. You don't need to know anything else. He's only owned in 4.1% of ESPN leagues and has 4, 5, 4, 2, 5, 2, 3, 0, 2, 5, 0, 6, 1, 3 three pointers in his last 15 games. Pick him up if you need threes and don't care that much about FG% (shooting 38% in his last 15). If he's taken in your league...well you're shit out of luck. I kid, I kid. Our friend Matt Bonner is leading the league in 3p% and is averaging 2/game in his last 15 games. But he's somewhat unreliable, especially with Austin Croshere coming in. The plus is he's not owned in many leagues at all and he can pull down boards. You could also take a flier on Von Wafer while Googly Eye sits out with who knows what injury now. He has been averaging 2 threes a game as well.

Spurs @ Bulls Game Recap: ....Wait I Forgot What Happened...

I watched this game at 1:00 AM last night after lots of drinking and bowling and a LONG trip home going the back roads because I actually wanted to show up to work this morning with a fresh set of clothes. So my recollections of the game are hazy at best and may in fact be completely incorrect.

I remember not being very impressed with anything the Spurs did until the final 3 minute stretch of the game. Defense, shot selection, all around offensive execution....all very mediocre. The Big 3 have become very lackadaisical on the defensive end and I'm trying to not let this worry me, I'm trying to remember that the spurs peak after the All-Star break, ect ect....but it does. We are basically just outscoring teams now and trying to defend in the last 5 minutes of the game. The Big 3 all had good offensive games which won it for us. Bonner was the best all around player, which brings me the my next point...

I'm going to talk about my biggest pet peeve with the Spurs fandom right now, which is sort of related to the game, and that is that is seems like EVERYONE is pining to get rid of Bonner. Why? Out of the starting five, how could anyone that has watched the season said "Yeah, that guy is the weak link." Now, you may ask, "Bob, who IS the weak link?"

Michael Finley.

Oh sure, he'll have a good shooting night, or even a string of good nights. But he'll also go 3-15 and keep jacking up fadeaways. Even more than that, he doesn't provide us with anything other than shooting. He's not a good rebounder or assist man. His defense is hard to watch at times and unlike the big 3, its not going to get better. Why isnt this the guy we are trying to replace? Trade a combo of Ime/Oberto/JV/Fin for that long SF that the Spurs need MUCH MORE than a new PF/C.

This is obviously not going to happen. We are going to trade for Joe Smith or something and Matt will be relegated to 12 minutes a game at best and I'll give Pop the stinkeye via TV.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Game Preview: Spurs @ Bulls

Coming off a tough (also see pussyrific) loss to the Sixers, the Spurs head into another road game against an Eastern Conference opponent. Unlike last year when the Spurs seemed to go 0-eternity in back-to-backs, this year they are 5-3. So there's hope.

Keys to the game:

Contain Derrick Rose. It's no secret this rookie is turning out better than the Chicago Bulls could have hoped. He's top 2 in rookies this year with the resurgence of the name O.J. Earlier this season when the Spurs were without local Frenchman Tony Parker and local Hero Manu Ginobili, the Spurs were able to contain Rose. A lot of credit goes to the Spurs own outstanding rookie, George "The Freak" Hill. Parker will probably be on Rose to start but I wouldn't be surprised to see either Mason or Hill get put on him if he should start to go off.

Rebounding. The bulls are near the middle of the league in rebounding and the Spurs are way the hell down near the bottom. Tim, Ginger Jesus, KT, Croshere, 1995David Robinson, etc. have to keep guys like Tyrus Thomas, Joakim Noah, and Drew Gooden off the boards. If the spurs get outrebounded yet again they're gonna have a tough time winning.

Hope Ben Gordon doesn't explode. I mean this figuratively because obviously, seeing him explode would be hilarious. Gordon is such a streaky shooter that he can score 5 points one night and 40 the next. I'm guessing he'll get a dose of Manu Ginobili and Roger Mason. Both have height and arm length on him but he's got quickness. Whoever guards him will need to stay in front of him somehow and contest his shots.

Find someone to guard Luol Deng. He presents a problem in that they play him at SF. Our starting SF is 6'5 and Deng is 6'9. Their big lineup of Noah, Thomas, and Deng means we'll likely need to bring someone in who can guard someone much bigger than him. Usually that's a job for Bruce Bowen but lately he's been getting burned by guys half his age (surprise I know). Not sure how the Spurs will go at this.

Offensive keys? The offense has been doing ok lately so I would say just keep everything moving as it has been. Shots just weren't falling last night. I'm sure they'll start falling tonight.

News and Notes: The D-League All-Star game is coming up and you can vote for Malik Hairston WOOOOOOOOOOO...Vinny Del Negro is facing his former team for the second time this season. It would be more momentous if he hadn't been a shill for the Phoenix Suns for the past few years

Kobe Wants Your Money

Sorry he wants MORE of your money. LABallTalk, by way of NBA Fanhouse, has alerted us to the changes in Kobe Bryant's website. It appears Kobe is getting all ESPN with his website. You can still go there and view basic things like pictures and awe in the presence of his $140 shoes. But if you want any sweet deals like an exclusive KB24 t-shirt (I want one!), access to exlcusive contests (Ooooo pick me!), or even just the ability to view message boards where fans can jizz on computer generated images of Kobe dunking the globe into a basket of flames (picture not inlcuded), you're gonna have to shell out $49.95. Seems like a good deal right? Oh until you realize it's a complete waste of money and Kobe makes north of $30 million a year.

AP photo
"I am so gonna fuck over my fans, tee hee."

Spurs-76ers Game Recap: A Whole Lotta Suck

It seems like disappointing losses after uplifting wins are a national past time for the Spurs. One couldn't help but worry about the 76ers. They had come in on a 5 game winning streak. Included was a blowout of the fairly decent Greg Odens. You just knew there was a letdown coming, especially since it was in Philly.

How ironic is it the city is called "the city of Brotherly Love" and it has the most jackasses per capita?

The 1st quarter saw both teams struggle at first. The Spurs looked tired. The 76ers looked like chickens that had their heads cut off (as usual). But the shocker of all shockers happened when the Sixers went on a little run to close out the quarter. Andre Miller showed no one on the Spurs (I'm looking at you Tony Parker) can guard him and Andre Iguodala toyed with us by making a last second 3 to put the Sixers up 28-18 going into the 2nd.

I only get my haircut when I own every time we play the Spurs

The 2nd quarter saw a glimmer of hope when the Spurs went on their own little run. They actually took the lead on a set of Tim Duncan free throws 3 minutes into the quarter. Sadly, the Spurs would never be able to find the lead again. It was as elusive as an attractive hooker. After the Spurs took the lead, Royal Ivey...don't even need a nickname for him...and Marreese (what no double s?) Speights took over. With the lead back at 9, the Spurs tried to make another run. But Andre Iguodala was having none of it. First he hits a 3 and then he assists on a 3. Joy. The Spurs cut the lead to 4 on a Money Mason 3 with a second left in the half. But no, not tonight with your weak 24-foot threes Money Mason. Iguodala decided he wanted to make a 45-foot 3 because he thinks anything under 30 feet is for pussies.

My name is just a few letters from Royal Icing...HaaaaYOOOO!

The 3rd and 4th quarters were so full of suck I'm gonna compress them into one sucktacular paragraph. The 3rd quarter was the Thaddeus Young hour (or 12 minutes for all you literal nancies). He absolutely could not be stopped by our resident defensive stopper...Matt Bonner. Watching Young dismantle Bonner's defense was horrifying. Even when Bowen came in to guard Young on a couple possessions, Young dominated. Not a good sign. This was also the quarter when Manu decided he wanted to miss as many shots as possible. Three missed shots in 20 seconds? Sure thing! Oh another end of quarter buzzer beater from Lou Williams and I was ready to throw something. The 4th was basically all garbage time. There was no way the Spurs were coming back so the quarter saw appearances by both Ime Udoka and newly signed white guy Austin Croshere. The only bright spot was Croshere THROWING DOWN A SICK DUNK!!! I'm only partly kidding. He did dunk. The lead hovered in the 20 point range for much of the quarter and the Spurs wimpered away with a 109-87 loss.

AP Photo/H. Rumph Jr
I see your foul and raise you a hook shot from behind the basket

Overall it wasn't hard to see this coming. The same thing happened to New Orleans after they beat the Lakers. I wouldn't be surprised if Colonel Sanders Jackson was using voodoo or whatever crazy mindfuck technology he employs nowadays. On to the next game. The Spurs play the second of a back-to-back tonight against the Chicago Bulls. Should be a win on most days but it's a back-to-back. So we can expect Kurt Thomas throwing his back out and Michael Finley breaking a hip.

Til next time ladies and gents,

This is Ankle Bones.

Jesus Saves

Friday, January 16, 2009

Super Happy Fun Time Links of the Day

Casey Carlson is indeed the hottest American Idol contestant EVAH

JA Adande talked to me!!!! OMG! LOLZ

The Watchmen case has been settled.

Simmons picks his Conference Championship games.

Sorry about having two ESPN links. I promise it won't happen again.

Amare Wants To Be Treated Like a Big Boy

After last night's Denver-Phoenix game, resident jackass Amare Stoudemire talked to reporters about his role in the Suns' offense:

In a game that Shaquille O'Neal did not play, five Suns players took more shots than Amaré Stoudemire.

In a nip-and-tuck game that went to overtime before Phoenix lost 119-113 to Denver, Stoudemire took one shot after the 7:18 mark of the third quarter

He brought on some of that by his foul trouble, which saw him draw three in the first half and two more in the third quarter. Some came by his mistakes, like two consecutive third-quarter turnovers, or passivity. But his only overtime opportunity when the game was still competitive came on his offensive rebound, after which he drew a foul for two free throws.

"We're still trying to figure it out," Stoudemire said. "It's going to take a little more time, hopefully, to swing my way. We'll see if it works.

"Pick-and-roll is one facet of our offense but there are other ways we can get guys involved. But it's OK. We've just got to figure it out. Hopefully, this will change here soon so guys can be afraid of me again. Right now, they're just, 'Hey, I'm playing Amare.' It's all right. I want to get back to the point where I put fear in guys' hearts. Hopefully, it comes soon."

Stoudemire finished with 21 points, nine of which came on free throws. He was 6 of 9 from the field and had eight rebounds, three assists, three steals and a block in 35 minutes.

"That's what I do," Stoudemire said of getting to the free throw line. "I put guys in foul trouble and put fear in their hearts -- in my previous years. This year, it's a little different. But hopefully I'll get back to it."
Well rub me in oil and call me a porn star, Amare wants to put fear in men's hearts. I find it funny how he didn't mention his shitty defense and how maybe he should work on that. But what else is new for this guy? He thinks doing pushups after hitting a shot is a good idea. Then he misses the and1. He never thinks ahead.

"Awwww, nobody wants to play wit me."

God Plays Basketball, Smites League Rules

Earlier today Ball Don't Lie reported that the L.A. Clippers had signed God Shammgod to a one-day contract. The problem, as RealGM has pointed out, is that the Clippers already have a 15-man roster. That means either the Clippers will have a ceremonial sacrifice of one of their current roster men (my money's on this guy) or God Shammgod has decided to overrule the NBA on its own rule. Bang up job "J.E. Skeets".

Croshere Deal Done

As Bob mentioned, the Spurs were looking at Austin Croshere of Indiana Pacers lore. Well today they signed him to a 10-day contract. That basically means he's trying out to be on the team. If he can show he can guard someone (doubtful) or that he can still hit shots (also kind of doubtful) then he'll take Tolliver's spot in the rotation. If the completely unlikely happens and he outplays Bonner then the lineup could see a shakeup. You might see Oberto or KT starting again because I can't see Croshere starting at C. Here's hoping this signing actually matters. If nothing else Manu can help him out with his thinning hair.

You're not fooling anyone Austin. You're level 2 on the Ginobili scale of baldness.

Game Preview: Spurs @ Sixers

Most people would think that this game wouldn't be very exciting and would be an easy W for San Antonio.....Spurs fans know better. Not only did we need a desperation heave from Frenchie to beat them in regulation earlier this season, we've lost 6 of our last 8 in Philly. Keys to the game?

Turnovers are going to be the key to this game. I'm looking at you Frenchie. The decision making has to be solid all game long. Last game the Spurs jumped out to a huge lead in the first half only to piss it away in the second half due to sloppy play and turnovers. This is a young, athletic team who feast on turnovers. I do not want to have to watch an Andre Iguodola and Thaddeus Young dunk party.

Half court defense is also going to be important. Now, I know Tony isn't the best option to defend Andre Miller in the post, but he's going to have to really put forth the effort tonight. If they can make it tough on Miller in the post and keep Iguodola from slashing, this game will be a lot easier.

I also think the battle of the benches will be key. They'll have Young, Lou Williams, and Marreese Speights scoring off the bench for them and I'll bet that Theo Ratliff will play decent minutes as well. Even at his age he can still lock down the paint. Manu and Tony will have to bring their floaters when he's in the game. The Sixers become even more of a running team when their bench is on the floor (especially if Elton Brand returns tonight) so George Hill, Manu, Kurt Thomas, and Bruce Bowen are going to have play steady ball.

Now for some news and notes...Rumor has it that Austin Croshere will meet with Spurs officials (read: Pop and RC) in Philly...that would put Matt Bonner in the 'Trade Bait' pile...Spurs 2nd round pick and D-League assignee Malik Hairston recently scored 43 points and 8 boards in a game for the Austin Toros...This absolutely puts the Spurs in a position to deal Ime Udoka...A combination of Udoka/Bonner/Fabricio Oberto/Jacque Vaughn could bring fruit...Joe Smith perhaps?

Pssssst...Come Over Here. I Gotta Show You Something

Being an ex-pat Spurs fan isn't easy. Waiting for their games to be nationally televised is like waiting for Jessica Alba to do a nude scene. When it does happen it's usually some body double. I didn't know about this until recently but there are several places to watch games online for free. There's a forum that consolidates all the links into a gameday thread and is an excellent place for anyone who doesn't live in San Antonio (or any basketball market really).

Go here on gamedays.

I'm gonna look into the possibility of posting the actual feed links here but right now I would think it's a no-no. But hey, I can post a link to any forum I want. So here you go. You're welcome.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Laaaaaakers Suck...They Really Really Suck.

Who knew there were almost as many Lakers fans in San Antonio as Spurs fans? I'm in the toilet of America (St. Louis) so I got to watch last night's game on The World Wide Leader. While I was waiting for Mike Tirico to turn into the crowd and fondle some women, I couldn't help but hear many boos as Tim Duncan, yes the same Tim Duncan who made us laugh...and cry in that Gillette commercial with David Robinson, was taking free throws. "Surely I'm not hearing booo. Maybe they're yelling 'Fooooooo' as in fool because...oh fuck it they're booing."

"You fuckin kidding me? I'm hearing boos in my own Arena. Good thing I'm Armor Class -9"

The same thing happened during the last regular season game I went to. That one was versus Dallas. And the My Little Ponies won that game. I hated everything. But it showed a pattern. Spurs fans don't really show up for the regular season anymore. The Finals game I went to had to be 98% Spurs fans. Then again who would admit they were a Cavs fan? Anyways, our fanbase has become the Atlanta Braves fanbase of the past 13 years. I would know because I'm a Braves fan too. Stop laughing. It's not a good trend if the Spurs want good seeding going into the Playoffs or as Bruce Bowen likes to call it, "Prissy Bitches Gonna Die". I would go to every game if I could. But like I said I live in the Lou. Come on local Spurs fans. Nut up and go to the games. Even if it's just so you can fart on a Suns/Lakers/Mavs fan. Don't fart on Rockets fans though, I've heard they actually enjoy it. Something about reminding them of Houston.

Ok back to the game. Last night was devoid of defense from both teams for the majority of the game. The first quarter went by like a flash. But it was a good kind of flash, like the kind you get while dropping acid. Only this trip wasn't gonna leave you licking a lamp post in December because you thought it was a really big popsicle. Roger Mason Jr. aka Money, hit two threes and one really long two. You could tell his shot was on from the beginning. Parker pretty much ran the team and while he didn't have an assist after 11:40, he played well and made nice cuts. The Lakers got an unreal quarter from Garbage Man The Original (not to be confused with Garbage Man The Second). The Spanish Stinker (he probably stinks) was 7/8 in the first. Not exactly Spurs type defense eh?

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me."

The second quarter was taken over by a few men who go by Manu "I would have your man babies" Ginobili and the aforementioned Tim Duncan. Manu wound up with 15 points on 5/8 shooting with 2 free throws. In other words he was the stud we knew he was. Damn ankles. Tim had himself a nice stretch with 4 straight possessions going to him. He made 3 jumpers, 1 out of 2 free throws, and had 2 boards in those 4 possessions. All in all pretty good. The half ended how it usually does. Tony took on two defenders on a fast break and missed the shot. Same old same old.

"Did I leave the oven on? I must have cuz I am on FIYAAAAH!"

Third quarters have historically been when the Spurs have laid an egg. I guess they decided to buck that trend last night. A bunch of guys got involved in the 3rd. Tony had several great possessions in a row. Money hit some more shots. Hell even our resident Grumpy Old Man, Kurt Thomas, hit a couple jumpers. I hear you go blind if you look into his eyes. It made his adolscent dating experiences end rather badly. The ball movement was very good througout but it was glaringly good during this stretch in the 3rd. The Lakers kept hanging around. The end of the quarter was what makes this rivalry so fun. Manu got fouled shooting a three. This prompted Phil Jackson to mentally slap Jeanie Buss. He apologized in his mind, he's Zen like that. Señor Bald Spot made all three free throws but shaded off of Trevor Ariza on the way back down court. It led to an Ariza three. But this is Manu Ginobili. He make shot. He make shot well. ESPN has it listed as a 29-foot 3 pointer. I disagree, simply because Manu's nuts are bigger than that. So he must have been farther away. World Wide Leader my ass.


4th quarter rolls around with the Spurs having a 9 point lead. It's too good to be true. It has to be. Either the teams decided to play defense or both teams forgot how to run an offense. I'm thinking it was a bit of both. But with the ascension of Josh "I think I'm good enough to hold a pose for 10 seconds" Powell and lax offensive execution, the Lakers climbed back from an 11 point deficit to take a 3 point lead at 108-105 with 1:31 left in the game. If I hadn't been on my third beer I would've definitely taken some that ever stopped me before. Tim Duncan decided he wanted to be Tim Duncan and made two hooks (more on one of these in a second) to give the Spurs a one point lead at 109-108 with 28 seconds to go.

You're not THAT good Powell. Even if you were KoME is on your team. Ha!

Now, the referees this season have been terrible. They're so inconsistent and after the Magic game I was ready to send threatening letters to Joey "Beluga Whale" Crawford. They were terrible again last night. But they seemed to be fairly consistent in their awfulness. Tim got hacked a lot and definitely got fouled on that second hook shot that put the Spurs up 1 with 28 seconds left. My Lakers fan buddy Gabe claims Duncan wasn't fouled. I don't like Gabe so much. Kobe was also fouled a few times with no call. Garbage Man the Original is too soft to go into the lane so we'll ignore him.

Oh hey Joey I just wanted to...oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was at Sea World.

As if God wanted to show us how he invented foreshadowing, Pop's declaration of "It's Kobe time" came true on the Lakers second to last (hahahaha) poessession. With Money draped on him, Kobe hit a three. FUCK. Great. Awesome. Oh and Kobe's doing the Sam Cassell/Isuro Tanaka dance down the floor.

"You have no....You have no...MAWBULS. You have no mawbuls!"

Eat a dick Kobe. Luckily for our maligned heroes, KoMe left time on the clock. Also luckily for the Spurs, they employ one Roger Money Mason Jr. I'm not sure why I started laughing. Maybe it's because Fishturd was called for a foul. Maybe it's because I was thinking of Phil Jackson eating a bucket of fried chicken while wearing a string tie. Who knows? But Money hit the shot. I, and I presume every other Spurs fan, was ecstatic that our one Free Agent signing has turned out so well. Money calmly hit the free throw and the Spurs had to get down the floor to defend because the Lakers were out of timeouts. Everyone there had to know the Spurs would double Kobe. Except apparently Kobe. Trevor Ariza? Really? I mean, he's been very good for a role player. But that's who you get the ball to with time running down? You're better than that KoMe. Anyways, traveling got called and Ariza missed the shot. Was it traveling? Who cares? It got called and the NBA doesn't reverse calls. With 0.8 seconds left all the Spurs had to do was get the ball in. Surprisingly they did and the game was over.

Look at Laker Fan scream. Laugh at Laker Fan.

Man what a game. I can say this. If every meeting is like this between these two teams I'm gonna need to stop eating so many juicy Burger King Whoppers (advertising money pending). The Lakers are a good team. It would be harder to hate them if Phil Jackson and guys like Josh Powell weren't there. But they are. So FTL.

Until next time gents.

This is Ankle Bones.

Jesus Saves.

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